In this revised version of my original draft for Assignment 3, some polishing and finessing were made to the entire paper as a whole. However, these changes were minor in comparison to the introduction paragraph which was essentially rewritten entirely. There, I introduced an attention grabber as an opener by posing a paraphrase of the rhetorical question addressed to the audience by the original author. This would hopefully serve as a “hook” to draw the attention of the reader, and I have also reorganized the entire paragraph to more clearly state my thesis statement.
In the original draft, the sentences would appear clunky and a bit disorganized but this has since been reworked with smoother transitions and word choices in my opinion. I suppose it is quite indicative of a weakness in my writing style, where I often consider components in a paper as individuals, rather than as a coherent whole. This would often result in sentences or paragraphs that would appear somewhat disjointed which is detrimental to the overall quality of the paper. Accordingly, I have made adjustments to right this wrong in addition to changes in the topic sentences at the beginning of every paragraph, which would hopefully better orient the readers to my points. That said, other than for refinement purposes, I did not remove much of this paper because I believe all the information that I’ve put into the assignment were necessary and justified. An example of this claim are the core analyses of the text.
In short, while I still am proud of this paper, it was undoubtedly my weakest effort in writing. I believe that I am redeemed myself however with this revision, and I hope to continuously grow and improve from this.